Permanently NSFW

Welcome Back and New Orleans

2012-02-08T16:46:00.002-06:00

So its been suggested that I start a blog since some people have to hear the same story twice. This way I just will stop telling everyone my stories. I remembered I had this blog and instead of starting a new one. I'm not even going to bother deleting old posts, and I don't remember at all what I wrote.

So this past weekend I went to New Orleans with some friends/more than friends (why the fuck is that plural?!?!). There was so much great food, I was the only idiot that got sick and there was a lot of just overall weirdness to the entire trip. I can't really describe the way I feel about the whole thing, because to tell you the truth I don't really know right now.

I've been going over the entire ordeal in my head the past 3 days, anytime I have a little downtime. I've received unsolicited advice from friends (as well as solicited) which is great, but it hasn't brought me to any sort of conclusion. Its just really strange to lose your will to fight for something you've cared about. I don't know if that means I've stopped caring or if I just need time to regather my strength. I guess that's what I'm trying to figure out.

Not sure who all will be reading this, or if anyone will at all, but I'll share it with those who may find it interesting. I guess its turning into a journal of sort. Alright, I'm done being [insert putdown here].

Funny Story

2008-07-01T09:46:00.002-06:00

So I haven't posted in forever, but I heard this story through a friend. It was apparently posted on OffTopic.com forums. This is an exact quote.

Now, I’m sure many of you have encountered little shits in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little bastards that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it.

Okay, here’s the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the fucking skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprinkle of blood on the little shit’s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little bastard he is.

I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming “SHIT! SHIT!.” Now, my good friend, Tom we’ll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting “FUCK! MAYBE HE DIDN’T GET IT! FUCK!.” By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts crying, and instantly, his mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid.

Here’s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, “Ma’am, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I’m… I’m HIV POSITIVE.”

And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just fucked up big time because his mom isn’t defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my shit from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just as we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing.

I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob.

/end

The second I heard this story, I laughed my ass off. Fucked up? Maybe, but if you haven't heard before, I'm not a fan of dickhead kids in public.

I'm Important Bitch!!!!

2007-12-20T14:26:00.000-06:00

I came to a strange realization last night driving down the road. That is, we all have the ability to change someone's mood and or day, even if we having no fucking clue who they are. Here's the scenario:

I'm at a stop light last night when I turn and see two people next to me, laughing and having a good time with their window rolled down. At this time, my imagination started to run and I realized that I had the ability to change the mood of that entire car from one of happy friendship, to one of (headphones for this link) pissed off rage. To do this, all I would need to do is roll down my window and yell this phrase I came up with at the time.

"Hey you dumb fucking bitch, stop fucking laughing and drive your fucking car you stupid fucking piece of shit! Go fuck yourself, your parents never even wanted you!"

Now before you start saying "Brandon, WTF is wrong with you?! Why would you do that?!" To answer your question, I did not do that and never would but I'm just saying I realized that I had the ability to ruin that person's day with that one little thing. Yes, that would be mean, ridiculous and fucked up, but every single one of us has had one time where someone on the road has done something while driving to piss us off, and you know the next few minutes are at least different for you. Imagine if someone said THAT to you, you'd be pissed because you'd have no idea why some stranger said this and if they then took off you'd probably never know and spend at least a good 15-30 minutes trying to figure it out. To top it off, you'll probably talk about it to people you see and re-live the experience over and over again. Pretty fucking crazy.

On a side note, I was in a weird mood yesterday and had to write up a script for a demo presentation my group is giving in about a month. When I emailed the first draft to my group, I decided to put this (minus the links) in the Subject:

First Draft of Demo Script for Brown Bag Lunch in Which We Will Discuss ATA and Show the Prototype so that the people in the audience can then see what it does but we will also explain to them what it does with spoken word in order to make sure they understand and we will go into more detail on what the future release will hold which will make a lot of people really excited to see what happens and then we can all go out for some punch and pie afterwards unless you don't like punch...or I guess pie. But who doesn't like pie? Seriously, my friend Rich from Elementary School use to hate pie and I told him he wasn't human and pushed him down on the playground. I think I got 4 days of detention for that but it got cut down to 1 when they found out Rich didn't like pie. Because seriously, that's insane. There are so many different types of pies, its completely impossible and improbably to not like Pie. I mean, why even live? You have apple, pumpkin, pecan (I myself am not a fan), cherry cheesecake (I know it says cake but don't be fooled), and many more.

I got an email from my boss letting me know I forgot the eom at the end of that, I thought that was cute.

So I was browsing the internets when I found an old rap video. In aforementioned video you will notice one dude wearing a Texas A&M hat...WTF?!

Anyway, sorry for not many links today, was in a hurry. Here's a video for my lack of posting recently (hint: it's not funny just nostalgic).

F&*$ing $h17

2007-11-06T16:02:00.000-06:00

Goddamn it, I've told you guys millions of fucking times how much I love television. Then you fuckers at [insert entertainment corporation of your choice] decided to fuck me over and screw up my TV because they can't pay writers and so there's a strike. So, lets go through the run down.

The Office - Pretty much dead since the writers are also actors (maybe 2-3 more episodes tops, I read only 1 episode somewhere, we'll see)
Scrubs - The last fucking season better fucking finish
24 - Postponed...fucking postponed, that means my 24 episodes back to back has to wait even fucking longer
Lost - Most likely condensed to 8 episodes. Ok, so not only do you split the planned 2 seasons (24 episodes each) to 3 seasons (16 episodes each), but now this next Season is only 8 episodes?! And I'm guessing you're still going to want 50 fucking dollars for it on DVD as well right? DOUCHEBAGS!
House M.D. - At least this doesn't have tons of on going shit, I will at least enjoy these last few episodes
Chuck - eh, good show, gotten into it but won't cry
Dexter - I swear I will turn into Dexter if they fuck with this show
Weeds - another eh
Prison Break - THE LAST FUCKING SEASON. If this dies I will be extremely pissed.
Daily Show/Colbert Report - Already gone, meaning I'm stuck to watching random movies or re-runs to fall asleep to.

And speaking of Colbert, they are not allowing him to run in South Carolina, fuck them too.

So is pretty much Shit McShit day for me now. Guess I'll have to spend more time reading, writing music, programming that website I keep talking about and writing the script for my first attempt at a movie.

Oh, and I lost a bet with Dan, I now owe him some amount of money for not posting last Thursday/Friday as well as my lame Wednesday post. Sorry for the lack of links this time, I was really just pissed and here's a video.

I Have Exercised the Demon

2007-10-31T09:08:00.000-06:00

I have finally given up WoW. Stay tuned for another post tomorrow (I don't owe Dan Shit!)

Guitar Hero is First Class (A Blatant Ripoff of Danny Boy)

2007-10-30T10:41:00.000-06:00

So I just read some very interesting news from my friend Wheezy about Guitar Hero III. So click that link...I'll wait... Ok, so they are possibly releasing it on DS now. My question is, WHY?! While I love my Guitar Hero (though I can't get passed Through the Fire and Flame on Medium much less Expert), what is the point to releasing it on a screen the size of my thumb. Next we'll be seeing it on the iPhone (I would actually like that) which would be just as ridiculous.

So I didn't really have much else to say, just thought that was ridiculous. If I was good at the artworks like Wheezy maybe I'd draw an amusing comic about Guitar Hero on an iPhone, but instead I'll just place his comic on my page and pretend I made it.

Finally Television is Back

2007-10-29T07:55:00.000-06:00

So I'm not sure if everyone reading the ole texts here knows this, but I love my television. So every year when October hits, I start to get pissed off. I'll tell you why, because I fucking hate baseball and for some ungodly reason, Fox (the good one, not the News) likes to show it during my favorite shows. So October usually means I have maybe 1 new episode of Prison Break and House the entire month. This makes for a pissed off Mexican (NSFW At ALL!). Lucky for me I just bought Showtime, which offers a shit load of good television. It all started with Dexter (intrigued?). Now I started watching Weeds, which is funny and has the guy from 40 Year Old Virgin in it. Also, Californication is not bad either, though Moulder as a weird sex writer who has sex all the time is weird.

So there's not much else going on, just that. So here's your ending video. (NSFW due to Language)

Personality Tests and Quizzes Are Awesome!

2007-09-22T18:52:00.000-06:00

I'm am sick and fucking tired of these goddamn personality tests, or other online tests that some pretentious asshole makes up and then spreads it like a fucking chain letter. All of a sudden everyone has it somewhere which forces you to not only use your mouse wheel to scroll the fuck away from this bullshit, but also asks you to take the same stupid test. And to make matters even worse, some of these pro-choice poster children then send you messages saying "Hey, did you ever check out that stupid fucking Quiz/Test I sent you? Are you the same type of person as me?!?!?!!!!!!one!!! LOL, OMG I <3 U"...

It really makes you understand what some people mean when they say "I think I want to kill myself". With the internets turning more and more to retards, I see no end in sight for these Satan spawned torture chambers. So for everyone who wanted to know what you REALLY are from these shit encrusted quizzes, I give you the "default" answer.

And for anyone who is thinking "Hey, I like those quizzes, they are entertaining AND informative", I suggest you cut off all ties with me and go play jump rope in the middle of the freeway.

P.S. I bought an iPhone. Thats right, an iPhone. Yes, an iPhone.

The Internets Give You Porn and Dateline's "To Catch a Predator"

2007-07-26T07:18:00.000-06:00

So I've been given a lot of shit for the lack of posting here. I've decided to prove everyone wrong by posting twice in 1 month for the first time in a while. Has anyone noticed how lame television has become during the summer? I miss my fall and spring when I actually enjoy turning on the t.v. Until then, I'm stuck looking at YouTube videos of The Office and Family Guy.

Lets take a look at the current shows that are on during the summer.

Big Love

Entourage

Hell's Kitchen

American Inventor

Big Brother: All Stars

Rock Star

America's Got Talent

So You Think You Can Dance

The Simple Life Goes To Camp

Standoff

Kyle XY

Last Comic Standing

Biggest Loser

On the Lot

There are a lot more, but I'm tired of writing them. Anyway, as you see, besides the two in bold, total crap. I thought we were done with Reality TV? Seriously, it sucks, we all know it sucks and no one gives a shit about it anymore. And I swear to Chris (don't ask what Chris, its any of them) that if someone else tells me Mad TV is a good show I will punch them in the face. Mad TV sucks, its a horrible show and should be canceled as should Mind of Mencia.

With that said, I have enjoyed Standoff and Entourage this summer, but it does not compare to 24, Lost, Heroes, The Office, House MD (he's a doctor that doesn't follow the rules!), Prison Break, Drive (R.I.P.) or Scrubs.

I've been listening to tons of new music recently. Well...new for me. From Mayday Parade to Augustana to the new Starting Line album. This is probably a good thing since I'm bringing back the music e-zine in the coming months. Gotta stay on top of the shit! Well, not much more to say today, so here's a video. If you haven't seen this before then you fail at the internet. BTW, NSFW without headphones.

Holidays Schmallidays (AKA My First BCS Attempt)

2007-07-16T16:19:00.000-06:00

Hey guys! So I need to stop starting blogs and never completing them. This was started July 4th. So what's been new eh? Well, I recently moved Linda into a new apartment. That was a day filled with screaming, sweating and aching...unfortunately none of that was of the good variety. I also took some time to check out Transformers the Movie twice. While all you haters out there have all your complaints, I think it was hella good.

So I was talking to my buddy Double-M about this before he left my life forever, and I decided to make my BCS Top 5 Worst Pop/Rock Bands. So without further adieu, here it is.

Nickelback
Creed
Maroon 5
Three Doors Down (Definition 4)
~~(Post-Black Album) Metallica~~ Good Charlotte

Honorable Mention: Simple Plan & ~~Avril Levigne~~

In other news, I've become addicted to Virtual NES since Terry showed this to me 2 weeks ago. Also, I finally went to the Optometrist to get new contacts and now I just have to schedule a Dentist appointment. By the way, this is a rambling blog, so BEAR with me.

I remember sitting down last night and thinking of something important I wanted to put in my blog, but that apparently was forgotten in the time I slept, so I leave you with a fun video embed.

Nevermind, I remember what it was. So everyone probably remembers my recent obsession with Guitar Hero II. Well last night, my buddy Morgan introduced me to a new game that is going to take this country by storm (its Russian). It roughly translates to FLUTE HERO! Use your keyboard numbers to play, P.S. it is fucking hard. And now the video (SFW with headphones).

Hiatus Over, Bring on the Lime Juice

2007-06-14T23:28:00.000-06:00

I know what you're thinking, and to tell you the truth I just sort of make up words together and put it in the title. So I decided to post on here since I'm not too busy right now and I'm normally too frickin' busy most of the other time.

...That last paragraph was written on May 31st...Holy SHITE! So lets see...what has been going on. Well since the last time we spoke, I have broken(NSF Your Health) a toe. I have also managed to get to Seattle (where I am writing to you from) 5 hours late, not be able to wear my suit and tie all week due to lost luggage, slept on a bed in which you feel all springs and the pillows might as well be small pieces of cloth, had no shampoo the first morning I woke up in the hotel and no housekeeping for the entire week either. Worst travel arrangement evar? I think so.

So I haven't watched professional wrestling in years, but when I was flipping through the channels on Monday. I couldn't help but watch this:

...WOW! Why did this seem like a good idea? If you wanted to pretend the wrestling soap opera was real, or if the fans wanted to think it was real, you've just blown that. There is no way that anyone will think that wrestling is real now and I bet a lot of people are pissed. Because if Vince McMahon really died, there would be a lot more press about it, not just wrestling stuff. Not to mention the camera just happening to be there. Now, I know the intelligent people reading this blog probably know wrestling is fake, but all those people thinking it was real must be pissed.

Last for the day, I have a birthday coming up soon, and I don't really care. I don't know if that is a good or bad thing. But whatever it is, you guys get me anything yet? And of course, random video (sorta NSFW due to excessive language).

Boys Don't Cry They Prefer Ballin' and Shot Callin' Tear Drops Fallin', I'm Jonesin' Harder Than Gollum Please God Say That's London Callin'

2007-05-07T07:25:00.000-06:00

So this weekend was Cinco de Mayo which of course was perfect for my Mexican heritage. Have you ever gone to a liquor store and been given a sample? Well I can now say I have. It was like going to Sam's Club with my mom except instead of small pieces of undercooked hotdogs, I was given liquor! Spec's Liquor was the place I went for this, and let's just say that I wish they didn't have a 1 sample limit.

Wow, so this window has been open for almost 4 hours as I got ADD kickin' in again, but I guess its better than turrets syndrome (Probably NSFW). So this weekend I decided to spend a lot of money again going out to eat, but I was pretty happy with Spiderman 3. Still not 1 & 2 good, but I liked it.

So what happened to Andy Milonakis anyway? What makes me think of this is my slight obsession with watching Andy Samberg lately (see video below). SNL sucks a big one in my opinion, but the Digital Shorts (usually with Andy) make me LAWL IRL. Speaking of LAWL, I recently checked out PurePwnage.com which I had not watched since Episode 8 and they are on 13 now...so I'm probably going to have to catch up. But nothing will ever be as good as FPS Doug and his shenanigans.

Anyway, guess that's it for now folks, so I'll leave you with the videos that Wheezy pointed out so nicely that I missed last time. There are a few parts that are NSFW without headphones.

One extra thing...

2007-05-03T08:14:00.000-06:00

So Wheezy always adds comics to his blog and since I've been copying him with this blog all together, I figured I might as well show off my art skillz as well. As you see, I'm pretty good at drawing straight lines. Hopefully Wheezy can see the humor and doesn't decide to be a Shapiro.

No one reads, but everyone cries.../emo

2007-05-02T22:13:00.000-06:00

So I realize not many people know about my new web log (thanks Dwight) but I guess it should make me get in touch with old friends. Since I moved to Austin, the only people I talk to and hang out with are work friends (with a handful of exceptions). The problem is, and I'm sure if you're reading this you know, I like to talk...a lot. So most people reading this don't need to read this to hear about anything new...because I probably already talked to you about this 5 minutes ago. Anyway, enough rambling, I need to find more people to read this and that's the end of that rant.

So for the last month or so I finally stopped being such a workaholic and working from home every single night for 4 hours or so (usually meaning a 60+ work week at least). I finally stop doing this as I was going out of town a lot and finally doing things in my personal life, though now it looks like I'm back to more of the same. Monday evening was spent away from work, but yesterday I worked from about 9:30 AM - 9:30 PM with only a break for lunch and dinner (and the occasional chess game, so really take off about 2 hours from that). Today was more of the same, getting in around 7:30 and leaving around 6 only to get home, make a grilled cheese and log back on for another 2 and a half hours. This is putting a damper on my guitar ~~hero~~ practice, as well as my house being clean.

This weekend should be a good one, Friday I'm going downtown with Linda, James and his wife. Saturday will be spent sleeping in, probably cleaning up and then (finally) Spider-Man 3! (do I really need a link?) I gotta wait until Linda gets off work for that one, if you're wondering. Sunday will be spent at the pool, relaxing and burning the shit out of myself, probably followed by some Volleyball. So if you're looking for me this weekend, there's my entire plans laid out for you.

I'll leave you with one last random video (maybe I'll make a habit of this).

First Post

2007-05-01T11:03:00.000-06:00

Decided to get into this blogging thing and copy wheezy and mueller with my random linking throughout the blog. So I'm watching Family Guy the other day and I say the Noid from Domino's which got me thinking about the old Nintendo game Yo! Noid and the stupid pizza eating contests that made no sense. (see video below).

This game was fun but what the hell was up with those pizza contests? So I'm done with traveling for now, because I hate airports and I miss watching my TV...I don't really have anything deep to say today...so I'll just end with this NSFW video post.